Saturday, July 10, 2010

Honey, I came up with a new way to kill somebody!

By Avery Aames, guest blogger

Avery is giving away two autographed copies of her first mystery, The Long Quiche Goodbye. Leave a comment (with an e-mail address where we can reach you) to enter the drawing!

Oh, the joy of being a mystery writer. Mystery writers know the world is a dark and scary place. It doesn’t matter if we’re writing cozies, noir, or police procedurals, we believe there are evil people in the world ready to do evil things. “Normal” evil people. Next door neighbors. Favorite teachers. Spouses. Agatha Christie said, “Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend.”

Because I write mysteries and thrillers, I get to figure out how to kill somebody. My husband isn’t very pleased with this aspect of my work. Invariably, right before bed, I’ll say, “Honey, I came up with a new way to kill somebody.” Of course, my husband sits up in bed, props a pair of toothpicks between his eyelids, and bravely tells me to share. He doesn’t really want to know how my warped mind thinks, but he wants to make sure he’s not on my radar.

My latest pre-sleep chat with my husband included a briefing about what Lucy the Poison Lady (a regular speaker at Malice Domestic Conference) shared regarding arsenic poisoning. My husband called me nuts and opened a book, but I could tell he was thinking about the stew and cheese biscuits he’d just eaten and he was wondering if he’d detected the flavor of blackberry wine.

I then proceeded to tell my husband how a person could create the perfect alibi. “I’m not really sure this would work,” I said. “But what if, using instant redial, the killer were to continually call the victim before the victim returned home from work? While the phone was ringing, the killer would race to the house, meet the victim upon his arrival home, kill the victim, answer the phone (thus talking to himself), and then return to the safety of his home. He establishes he was at his own home talking to the victim at the time of death. Voila. (This works best if it’s a neighbor, of course.)”

My husband groaned, set aside the book, switched off the light, and plopped back on his pillow. Inwardly I giggled. I knew he wouldn’t sleep a wink.

Do you ever think up ways to kill someone? A rare poison? An icicle to the heart? The icicle would melt, of course, leaving no evidence. [One of my all-time favorite TV episodes is an Alfred Hitchcock Presents: “Lamb to the Slaughter,” in which a woman uses a frozen leg of lamb to kill her husband. She then cooks the lamb and serves it to the officers who arrive to investigate. Brilliant.] Do you believe you could go through with the deed? Do you know anybody who could? What does it take to commit murder? Anger, desperation, an inciter, in icy heart?

Share your stories, your theories. Leave a comment. If you do, you might be one of two who will receive autographed copies of “The Long Quiche Goodbye.”

Avery Aames writes the Cheese Shop Mystery series for Berkley Prime Crime. The first in the series, The Long Quiche Goodbye, debuted July 6.

For more information, Avery can be found on her website at http://www.averyaames.com, on Facebook, Twitter, and on two blogs: http://www.mysteryloverskitchen.com and http://www.killercharacters.com. She also has a booksellers page where you can purchase her book from any of your favorite bookstores: http://www.averyaames.com/book1_sellers.html

35 comments:

Marlyn said...

I don't think about murder, but occasionally I think I'd like to seriously maim my hubby's ex.

Kari Wainwright said...

What a delectable way to torture a husband!

As for the poison lady, she's one of my favorite presenters at mystery conferences.

If I'm lucky enough to win a copy of your book, my e-mail address is gkw9000@gmail.com

Kari

caryn said...

That is my all time favorite episode of Alfred Hitchcock. I love it.
Don't include my name in the drawing-your book was already delivered by Amazon earlier this week-but I've got a couple of library books to finish before I can start on my new stack of PBs-there were a lot of new books released this past week!
Caryn in St.Louis

Janel said...

I love all of the creative ways mystery authors come up with to murder people! I could never personally do it, but I think the plot where the victim has a severe allergy to food and the killer cleverly disguises it is a good one.

By the way, one of my parents' friends was really killed by an icicle! Not murder, just an accident, though.

jgbeads(at)gmail(dot)com

Diane said...

I remember that episode of Hitchcock's series. Barbara Bel Geddes was the actress. She had such a sweet face, and the character was also (if memory serves) very pregnant at the time. Couldn't be a murderess (hee hee). And, from your photo, you are way too young to have seen it when it originally came out.

Bet your husband keeps on his toes and is REALLLLY good to you.

Now I know what I'm going to do tomorrow: go to the bookstore and get your new book.

Helen Kiker said...

Luckily for my family members I do not stay awake at night thinking of clever ways to murder someone & get away with it. As a reader though I appreciate the fact that you do that.

Please enter my name in your drawing.

Helen Kiker
hdkiker@comcast.net

Carol-Lynn Rossel said...

Your book sounds tasty. Please enter me in your drawing.

Kathleen A. Ryan said...

My husband and I have been talking about one particular murder for over 20 years, the one in the center of my true crime memoir; I understand those "pre-sleep chats" completely!
"Lamb to the Slaughter" by Roald Dahl is one of my favorite short stories.
Congratulations to Avery on the release of "The Long Quiche Goodbye."
I'd love to be in the running!
katcop13 (at) msn (dot) com.

Deb Salisbury said...

I try not to think about murder just before going to bed - I spend all night plotting in my notebook. I can't count on remembering in the morning. LOL!

I'm looking forward to reading your book, one way or another.
writer at DebSalisbury dot com.

sarrcbum said...

Since I'm fairly new to husband sharing my stories that include murder, I've limited myself so far to comments about things we see - like the two older ladies walking out of a corn field, one carrying a golf club - and how that could, at least, become a short story. He gives me funny looks just for that. I can't imagine his looks if I told him I'd come up with a new way to murder someone.
Rayanne

PunkinElf said...

I try to imagine planning something so devious, so outrageous (robbing banks, disrupting elevators - seriously - and security to cover a heist, or murder,) so I won't get caught, but it's discussed for years (think db Cooper). Then there are crimes I gladly take credit for, to a cheering crowd, book and movie deals. Not that I think about this often...

lil Gluckstern said...

I read the story (Roald Dahl) before I saw the show, and I too loved it. Perfect crime, anyone? Didn't somebody use the icicle? All kinds of fiendish things come to mind. Your husband sounds like a good sport, and I already bought your book, and I can't wait to-um-taste it.

Margaret said...

I've often thought about how mystery and thriller writers have to think about death more or less 24/7, and how strange this is. Then, I thought about how I have been reading mysteries and thrillers and thinking about murder for about 25 years, and how strange that is. Hmmm.

Deleted my previous posting because I forgot to add the email address, which I noticed others had included.
(pruter@comcast.net)

Avery Aames said...

Wow, so many of you up so early! Good morning. Thanks for all the comments. Janel, what a terrible accident!
Diane and Caryn, if you've ordered the book, you can enter my virtual launch contest until the 13th! Anybody can.
Isn't it funny how mystery readers are like mystery authors!
We all like resolution.
~Avery

lnpbirch said...

I'm looking forward to reading your book and hope you'll enter me in your contest!

Elizabeth Zelvin said...

Congrats again on your debut, and I read your delicious story about your hubby out loud to mine. LOL!

pennyt said...

I think it's interesting how some of the "classics" like Hitchcock still continue to remain in our minds after all these years. I'd love to read your book. Please enter my name in the drawing.

pennyt@hotmail.com

Anonymous said...

This is priceless. I never tried talking murder in bed, Hubby and I usually share our murder plotting ideas over lunch at the waterfront. More often than not, he will start with, “Hey, I thought of this perfect murder idea for you to write about.”

He isn’t happy when in public I tend to blurt out things, example while walking through the mall.

“Honey, we really have to go to Lambertville one of these days.” I tell him.
“Why?” he asked innocently.
“Well, if I’m going to rob the bank, I need to know what it looks like.”
“Geez,” he says actually ducking his head down. “Do you have to say stuff like that in public? You’re going to get us arrested, I swear you are.”

I guess he doesn’t consider the dock picnic table a public area. Go figure.

Pat Marinelli
(PatMarinel@yahoo.com)

Anonymous said...

This is priceless. I never tried talking murder in bed, Hubby and I usually share our murder plotting ideas over lunch at the waterfront. More often than not, he will start with, “Hey, I thought of this perfect murder idea for you to write about.”

He isn’t happy when in public I tend to blurt out things, example while walking through the mall.

“Honey, we really have to go to Lambertville one of these days.” I tell him.
“Why?” he asked innocently.
“Well, if I’m going to rob the bank, I need to know what it looks like.”
“Geez,” he says actually ducking his head down. “Do you have to say stuff like that in public? You’re going to get us arrested, I swear you are.”

I guess he doesn’t consider the dock picnic table a public area. Go figure.

Pat Marinelli
(PatMarinel at yahoo.com)

JANET said...

I just finished your book and loved it. I'm already looking forward to the next one (love the title of it.)

Thanks for a great read.

Patg said...

There are two kinds of people sitting (sleeping) around plotting how to kill people.........Ooops, I think that's a Castle comment.
Remember the important part, the profit part for the writer.
Good stuff.
Patg

Avery Aames said...

Pat, you made me LOL. I read it to my hubby. We have those public conversations, too. Mystery writers do behave oddly, don't they? Heh-heh.
~Avery

elysabeth said...

I love reading a good mystery but haven't ever discussed or written about murdering someone. My friend on the other hand (can't wait for her to start sloshing her mss out to get published) has thought of many different ways to murder someone and get away with it or almost get away with it. Her series will be well worth it if she ever gets picked up by an agent or even a publisher -

my email is eeldering at gmail dot com - Thanks E :)

Elysabeth Eldering
Author of the Junior Geography Detective Squad, 50-state, mystery, trivia series

Where will the adventure take you next?

http://jgdsseries.blogspot.com
http://junior-geography-detective-squad.weebly.com

NoraA said...

There are definitely people who have passed through my life that I thought needed killing. Could I do it? Only if I knew I wouldn't get caught, or could talk one of my older brothers who were Viet Nam Vets into helping me with the deed.

contact at cozyarmchair at yahoo

Avery Aames said...

Elysabeth, what a cute name for a YA series.

Rayanne, love the short stories ideas that come to you!

Lil, hope you enjoy the read! People have told me it's "tasty." :)

Nora, could I talk to your brothers...not about murder...but about their VN experiences? I hope they have healed since that horrible time.

~Avery

Carol M said...

I'm not creative enough to think of fool proof ways to kill someone. If I was, I would try to write a book! lol I love to read what other people think of and I would love to read this book!
mittens0831 at aol dot com

Patricia Stoltey said...

I've been very careful not to share my murderous thoughts with my husband. I'm afraid I'd scare him to death.

Hmmm. Now there's a thought. How hard would it be to actually scare a person to death? (No, not my husband -- I rather like having him around).

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! I finished the book on my Kindle and it was a joyride the whole way through. Thanks for the fun read and now I can't wait for the next one. (No pressure!)

Though I don't plot murder daily, I have to admit that I've taught several of my friends to overcome stress at work by coming up with new ways to "Kill the Boss". No one has carried through yet, luckily, but a lot of bosses have been made nervous by sinister smiles from employees. ;o)

Please add me to the drawing!
Victoria Maggio
trollbaby@trollbabysplace.com

Avery Aames said...

Patricia, I laughed at death by scaring. That happened in a Twilight Zone. For years my hubby and I have watched TZ marathons on New Year's. Can't remember the title, though. Anybody?

And Victoria, thank you! Hope you'll write a review on Amazon or B&N. ;)

Don't forget to check out the virtual launch party on my website since you purchased a copy.
Best to all
~Avery

Mare F said...

Your husband is a brave man, and one with a sense of humor, I would guess. I routinely think of ways to bump people off with office supplies and run them past my boss, who continually says, "NO!" to me. She says it's because she doesn't want to visit me in prison, but I'm not so sure. LOL

Avery Aames said...

Mare, your boss sounds like a hoot! So good to meet you at the book signing!
~Avery

janimar said...

Not married so I won't use any of the interesting ways to kill your husband.

crios said...

My husband always gets nervous when I pull out my book on poisons. He usually offers to cook dinner for the next few nights...!

W: Home said...

Since I'm fairly new to husband sharing my stories that include murder, I've limited myself so far to comments about things we see - like the two older ladies walking out of a corn field, one carrying a golf club - and how that could, at least, become a short story. He gives me funny looks just for that. I can't imagine his looks if I told him I'd come up with a new way to murder someone.

Tara Walker said...

Your book sounds tasty. Please enter me in your drawing.